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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23064439">Insomnia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayDreamCarnival/pseuds/DayDreamCarnival'>DayDreamCarnival</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Thoughts of Engagement</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:47:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23064439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayDreamCarnival/pseuds/DayDreamCarnival</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>No one expects this of him, especially not Maa-kun.<br/>But it's Ritsu himself who wants to do it, who wants to ask him this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Isara Mao/Sakuma Ritsu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Insomnia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ever since they started going out, Mao and him slept together in the same bed way more often than before. It was something Ritsu truly enjoyed a lot since he always liked any kind of physical contact with his former childhood friend and now that they were dating he had an even bigger excuse to hug and cuddle him as much as he wanted. His boyfriend would act embarrassed and blush a lot but he knew that deep down Mao enjoyed it just as much. One of the actions proofing it was him shuffling closer and closer before burrying his face in Ritsus chest until he finally took him into his arms. It was sweet. And it was okay like this. The raven knew that Mao had a hard time expressing his affection due to his easily embarrassed nature and asking for such things was just too difficult for him yet. Asking for anything tended to be quite difficult for Mao to be honest. He'd rather struggle before he calls for help and as much as it lead to arguments between them Ritsu knew he didn't do it to anger him. Maa-kun would never do such thing.</p><p>Right now however his boyfriend was fast asleep in his arms, face reflecting how calm he felt, eyebrows that usually were a little furrowed from concentration relaxed, breathe even and slow. Reaching out Ritsu lightly brushed a few stray hairs away from Maos face, smiling fondly at the display in front of him. It was past midnight and the nocturnal boy once again found himself wide awake. But instead of feeling lonely, melancholic from his running thoughts, Ritsu found himself at ease just from having his former childhood friend at his side - even if fast asleep. He could probably watch him for hours, something about Maos sleeping form making him feel all warm and at home. He feels like that a lot when they're together and while he wasn't used to it, he welcomed it by now. He had Rei as his biological family and Knights was family too. But with Mao he'd start a new family. Just the two of them. Maybe that's planning too much ahead and sometimes it scares him because this isn't something anyone else is thinking, these are his own thoughts. Ritsu never was someone to plan his personal life, he never was able to answer those "<em>where do you see yourself in X years?</em>"-questions. If you'd ask him now though he'd confidently answer »at <em>Maa-kuns</em> side«.</p><p>It's something he truly wanted, hoped for. Watching the redhead move a little in his sleep yet another smile appeared on Ritsus face when Mao turned to snuggle on him, subconsciously searching for his hand before grasping it lightly. Ruby eyes drifting to his boyfriends fingers he found himself lightly stroking over his ringfinger with his thumb. There are these thoughts again, making it difficult for Ritsu to breathe. His own thoughts, own fantasies scare him more than anything, make him feel like suffocating while making his chest feel warm and full, bring a blush to his cheeks. There inside the chest in his nightstand drawer was something hidden Ritsu was almost too sure about but couldn't find the courage to do it, to ask the question. He tried to voice out those 4 words many times when they were like this, when it was okay to mess up because only the nocturnal boy could hear himself speak but even then his voice would fail him. The question would stay stuck in his throat, make him feel like suffocating from the pressure it would bring, the change it would mean. No one expects this of him, especially not Maa-kun, his boyfriend would never ask for something like that from him. But it's Ritsu himself who wants to do it, who wants to ask him this.</p><p>Laying down beside him he carefully brings their foreheads together, closing his eyes and sighing softly. He ended up thinking about this again, made himself overly emotional. He doesn't like that, wants Mao to scold him for worrying about getting left behind again. Maa-kun wouldn't leave him, no matter what, they're connected by a red string, would find to each other over and over again even if they're miles apart. And as reassuring as it sounds it also makes Ritsu aware of how much more it would hurt if he miscalculated and they suddenly do end up splitting their paths. What if Maa-kun tells him no, no he doesn't want to spend his life at his side, what if Maa-kun leaves him, when he gets angry at him for asking this of him, when it puts too much pressure on Mao–</p><p><br/>
Ah... there it is...</p><p><br/>
Ritsu is panting hard, shaking in fear from those thoughts, holding tightly onto his boyfriend as his body turns cold, tears making it even harder to breathe when he feels like his throat is closing up on him anyway. No, he doesn't want that, he doesn't want to anger Mao, doesn't want his boyfriend to leave him because he read too much into something what might not be there, he can't–</p><p><br/>
»mhn... Ri... Ritchan...?«</p><p>Maos voice is rough from sleep, quiet but so loud in the quiet room beside Ritsus heavy sobs. Grasping the situation more he sits up alarmed, pulling his boyfriend into his arms without questioning, tightening the hug when he starts pressing himself further into his chest. Heavy hiccups and sobs are followed and to be honest, Mao is a little overwhelmed by the sudden change of atmosphere, from sleeping peacefully to having his boyfriend panicked at his side. This happened rarely but it hurts him just as much, to think that his childhood friend is hurting this badly that it leaves him weeping. Mao is rocking him gently in his arms, stroking his back softly and reassuring him that he isn't alone, they're together and it actually helps to somewhat calm down. Maa-kun hasn't asked yet what happened and while he knows that he will do so eventually Ritsu just prays that he won't. He doesn't want to explain his messy thoughts, he doesn't want to bother anybody with it. It's just an overreaction, it's like a nightmare that keeps him awake at night, a thought that will haunt him until he gets proven otherwise. But asking him now would be the worst timing, bringing new dark thoughts to his mind that maybe Mao just agreed because he felt guilty and Ritsu doesn't want that.</p><p><br/>
»Are you okay?«</p><p><br/>
His boyfriends gentle voice pulls him out of his thoughts. His thumb brushes over his cheeks, wiping away any leftover trace of the tears he just cried. He doesn't deserve Maa-kun. Still not having answered Ritsu just tightens his hug, inhaling the scent that clings to him deeply. Home. It still feels like that and when there's a kiss pressed on the top of his head, arms wrapping around him just as tight he gets reassured that yes, this is exactly what it is.<br/>
He probably should try to sleep, should try to get some rest and clear his thoughts. Maybe tomorrow he will find the confidence he lacks late at night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote the beginning of this in november last year, told my s/o "I'll probs post this in like 6 months" and here we are.</p><p>It's hard for me to write them sometimes especially when it's about a more Ritsu kinda POV? Praying I managed to do them justice.</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy it ;;</p></blockquote></div></div>
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